Springtime

It's beautiful again in Providence, which happens, (as they used to say) the first and last month that students are at Brown. So that means that the time is coming, the end-time of the spring semester, and a year (almost) has passed since graduation. What is it that I'm doing with my life again? 

Last night I had a lovely chat with [friends] about all of this---the icky middle year that we're experiencing, the resulting listlessness and frustration and worry that it will not pass, and we will continue to feel like this forever. I'm starting to feel something different, too, something I worry about and crave nonetheless.

I guess what I want is the same thing I wanted at the end of high school, something I had through college, some group of people to careen around with. I miss the camaraderie, and that's the constant craving I've had all my life, or at least since playing all of those RPGs that focus around a group of different but like-minded individuals... 

I keep saying I'm working on it, the whole state of mind thing, and really what I'm doing is indulging in the same escapist pop culture pursuits that I have always resorted to when I've felt sad and restless. I watch my sci-fi television, read my speculative fiction books, sleep too much, over-prepare for work. I want to stop feeling like this, and the frustration is welling in me. 

Where's the no-holds-barred version of myself that I cultivated in college? Because this version sucks.